Box Room
by geekchic79
Summary: Behind the false fire place, in our third story flat in Berlin, there’s a box room. Sometimes it feels as if it’s the only safe place in the world, and at the same time the most dangerous" Ernst/Hanschen, sequel to 'Meeting at Night'
1. I

Box Room

A/N: Hey, I really felt like writing the rest of Ernst, Ilse, Anna and Hanschen's story after the events of 'Meeting and Night', 'Box Room' takes place one year later and will be more from Ernst and Anna's perspective. Enjoy!

"Behind the false fire place, in our third story flat in Berlin, there's a box room. Sometimes it feels as if it's the only safe place in the world, and at the same time the most dangerous."

Ernst Robel snapped the diary shut, crossed the room furtively to a tiny crack in the smooth wall and peered out; he held his breath, nothing. His back against the hidden door, he opened the thin red book again and continued to write.

"Before 12:13pm last Sunday, I could wonder through the streets late at night if I wanted to, you could try and brush the sunshine off my clothes so that the darkness arrived early and we could be together, or at least alone, together. They couldn't stop you from pushing me back against the wall and kissing me, and they couldn't stop me from thinking about it. But at 12:13pm last Sunday it all changed."

"What's 'it' Herr Robel? Don't be ambiguous, _clarify_ your point!" the words of Herr Sonnenstitch echoed through Ernst's head, his brain fuzzed.

Despite everything, today was one of his better days; there was something oddly soothing about the sparse secret room that was now his sporadic home. Last night, like almost every other night, they'd chosen to forget the informers, forget surveillance, forget the rules,

"_I love you"_

"_I love you"_

He'd woken up in Hanschen's arms.

"Do you remember who I am?"

Ernst had smiled a little, still half asleep, "you're Hanschen."

"And…" Hanschen waited apprehensively, wrapping his arms a little tighter around Ernst's chest.

Ernst squeezed Hanschen's hand tight, "And I love you."

A sigh of relief. "Another good day, that's two in a row," Hanschen beamed, and then Ernst felt him tense, "Do you remember why we're here?"

A pause, "Yes."

_Yes_

He knew it was a year since they'd left Anna's house, today was Ilse's first wedding anniversary. Paper.

Ernst's eyes drifted to the faded poster tacked to the opposite wall, a girl blowing bubbles against the city sky line stared blankly past him.

"Let your troubles float away in Annapolis, Maryland" the tag line read, he wondered vaguely where in the world that was.

Hanschen had gone out to pay some friends who would bring them food and anything else they needed. Ernst had offered to go too,

"No, Ernst, you'll have to walk past you know where, I won't let you take that risk"

"You know you can call it by its name, it's not going to kill me."

He tried to make a joke but Hanschen shook his head, "You just stay here and concentrate on getting better."

And with a quick kiss on his forehead and a furtive glance at the crack in the wall Hanschen was gone. Leaving Ernst alone with the soiled single mattress that they shared, the stack of books that he'd just managed to grab in time: his own illustrated bible, Faust, Hanschen's copy of Othello, and finally a small camping stove that stood in the far corner.

He placed the diary on top of the pile of books and hugged his knees to his chest, there was no window to look out of, maybe he could paint one on? With a forest, a river, maybe a few sleepy cottages-

What was going to happen when the money ran out?

-a vineyard, if he was having a good day-

What if they find us here, then what?

-or perhaps people, lots of painted people –and animals, happy beneath a painted sun.

Maybe he was being melodramatic. It wasn't as if they were bound to be here under lock and key. They could still make short trips out if they were very careful and if nobody saw them. The authorities had been lead to believe they'd left the city by one of Ernst's friends who worked in the civil service. This room on the top floor was more of a cautionary measure; he could leave whenever he wanted. Another secret to add to the endless list of secrets that tugged and pulled them in every direction like invisible silver threads. Ernst remembered the day Hanschen had started to build the room, six months ago, he flung his slim form down onto the mattress, it had not been one of his good days.

"_Hanschen?" The blonde boy was covered in dust, with his head and shoulders stuck halfway through the plaster board of the wall._

"_Yes! I knew it! I knew there was something behind here!"_

"_Hanschen?" Ernst had cut himself shaving, the blood oozed down the side of his stubbly cheek, "Hanschen I've hurt my face and it's all red and slippery and I went to find Anna to help but she wasn't there."_

_Hanschen extracted himself with difficulty from the hole in the wall, brushing bits of paint from thick hair, which stuck up in all the right places. "Ernst come on, you can do it yourself remember? There are plasters in the bathroom."_

_Ernst looked hesitant._

_Hanschen held his gaze, "do it for me?"_

_Ernst thought about this for a while, fingering the sleeve of his shirt, "Ok."_

_He went and retrieved the plaster from the medicine cabinet, managing to place it over the cut in the right place. He sat watching as Hanschen continued to hammer through the wall._

"_Hanschen what are you doing? Anna's going to be angry."_

_Hanschen pulled himself up onto the sofa, he stared at Ernst intently, we don't live with Anna anymore remember? _

_Ernst shook his head, there was silence as Hanschen took his hand, lightly stroking his thumb over Ernst's fingers._

"_What are you building?"_

_For a second the faintest flicker of fear stirred behind Hanschen's eyes but the ever mischievous glint soon returned. "This is a secret place, just for me and you." He had continued to fashion a removable panel from the piece of wood, and Ernst continued to watch._

"_I don't like secrets."_

Everything went fuzzy after that, his memory was improving, but slowly, it wasn't easy-

The hidden panel clicked, jerking Ernst out of his day dream, he froze against the wall, heart pounding.

"Hanschen?" he hissed.

No reply, Ernst felt panic take over, no one else was supposed to know about this room, no one else was supposed to know how to get in.

"Hanschen?" he hissed urgently, but the door continued to edge open, his call remained unanswered.

"Ernst?" He caught his breath, a female voice, who was it?

"Anna?" he gasped.

A young woman in a flimsy rose coloured dress hurriedly pushed the panel closed behind her. Her messy brown hair was just caught in a bun at the nape of her neck. She carried a basket in her left hand, she looked so different-

"Oh God Ernst, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God. I've done something terrible…"


	2. wish

A/N: A chapter from Anna's point of view (it will alternate) because sometimes its hard for us to tell each other how we really feel.

_This is the place where I sit, this is the part where I love you too much,  
Is this as hard as it gets? I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough,_

_'Cause you don't see me, and you don't need me, and you don't love me,  
The way I wish you would the way I know you could._

When I was seven I liked being by myself, when all the others went running out to play in the clearing by the stream, sometimes I'd stay by the window of my attic bedroom, and get lost in one of Melchior's books, or watch them all play pirates and I wasn't lonely, I was just alone.

The thing is now, that there isn't anyone there to watch, Hansi (I named him after his almost-biological father) is still too young to crawl, to be honest all he really does is gurgle or chew on the paintbrushes that Ernst left behind. He's a grizzly little thing, keeps me up something awful, but it's fine, it really is. That's right, you guessed it, Ava Rillow, now Ava Schmit of course, couldn't take the strain of looking after her illegitimate son and organising a dinner party for twenty every Sunday all by herself, and three months ago I found my little bundle of joy wrapped up in a blanket on my door step, Moses style.

He keeps me busy, I'll definitely take him to see Ilse tomorrow, they get on like a house on fire, he's always laughing with her.

Ilse?

Ilse? I said he's always laughing with you.

Do you hear me Ilse?

No.

I though they'd come and visit more. I miss seeing them, one dark head, one fair, poking round the kitchen door before every meal. I didn't think things would change this much, but that's life, you have to take whatever it throws at you I think. But sometimes you just want to everything straight back.

I thought I'd try writing them another letter, but I can't even do that right, the words come out wrong and I can't make them understand. Everything feels empty since they left, do you know the feeling? The house fuller than ever with stuff, Ilse's old furniture, Ernst's old paintings, everything Hanschen got in the divorce until they can move it into their own houses, but it still feels empty, colder somehow, everything holds a memory but-

Listen to me rambling on, you've probably got better things to do than listen to the ravings of some crazy old spinster who lives alone with her surrogate child's boyfriends ex-wife's baby boy. Mind you, I'm only twenty-seven. My borderline-ridiculous life to date!

One of the things I like to imagine, just before I go to sleep, if Hansi doesn't start to cry that is, is the four of us, back in that house, like it used to be, Ernst is in one of his states because he's messed something up, tipped over the cornflakes or put half his clothes on back to front. His scruffy dark hair is sticking out at odd angles and he's waving his arms trying to explain with childish logic what happened, usually that it wasn't his fault but the fault of Maurice a talking dragon that had apparently taken up residence under his bed. And Hanschen, who came back despite everything, is laughing and attempting to redress Ernst, or flicking bits of cornflake at him, winding the scarf around them both until he and Ernst collapse in a giggling heap on the old settee. They snuggle up together for a moment forgetting that there's anyone else in the room and Hanschen has this perfectly content little smile on his face. Then Ilse comes and sits on top of them both, laughing they groan and make room for her in the middle.

"Come on Anna!" Ernst waits expectantly for me to join, I finish cleaning up the mess and settle down next to him, making sure that everyone's warm enough and fed and washed. And we'd stoke the fire, toast whatever we could find, and just spend the whole night talking and enjoying just being together again.

They were so in love and I miss seeing that, I miss being there with them. God knows we could do with a little more love in the world.

Blimey, I must be lonely! Why can't I go out and find myself a husband, find some new friends?

I don't know, I suppose it's because, they're special. Anna, Ilse, Hanschen and Ernst those were the best times, even if they happened in the shadow of something terrible, when we were all together and Ernst was recovering, and I don't want anything else. I want to go back to that. I want to see Ilse raise her left eyebrow as Hanschen makes another slightly ridiculous wardrobe decision (a reaction to life away from the strict dress code of a Berlin bank, I think). I want to see Hanschen reach for Ernst's hand underneath the table at breakfast and then see the shock and delight illuminate Ernst's thin face. Most of all I want to see Ernst keep on getting better and better until he's normal again.

_I_ always took such good care of him.

Would they have written if they wanted to see me? I know the political situation in Berlin is difficult but surely? I'm just worried about them, and Ilse too… Tomorrow I'll set off for Berlin, I'll have a look for apartments, it'd do Hansi good to be closer to his real mother.

I won't do anything stupid.

Do you know, every night before I go out to work, after I've put Hansi to bed, I touch the old tea pot that Ernst painted, sort of for luck, or maybe through superstition, I'm not quite sure. To make sure I'll be safe, and to make sure that they're there, somewhere in Berlin, perhaps looking out the window of their attic bedroom. Safe…

Without me.


	3. that

"_Oh God Ernst, Oh God Oh God Oh God. I've done something terrible._

"Anna?" Ernst's eyes flickered nervously towards the open panel and then back to her thin face. "What is it, what's wrong?"

"They know Ernst!" she stared up at him almost pleadingly, "The police know you're hiding here. God, I didn't mean to, I was only," she paused for breath, tripping over the words, "they said you'd left, but the last I'd heard was that you were in Berlin-"

"Oh God Anna," Ernst moved back against the wall, fleeting joy at seeing his friend again was now being sharply converted into fear. "We'll have to move again, we'll have to go into permanent hiding."

"I'm sorry-"

"I don't want to hear it!" Ernst burst out, Anna took his hand, it wasn't like him to get so, angry, "I can't leave, I don't want to leave this place, I was getting better!" Ernst fixed her with a stare, the light behind his eyes was starting to dim, Anna recognised that look, but there was something new in the intensity of his gaze. Something that almost shocked her, and made her want to look away.

"I was happy here, together, with him."

"I know, and I never meant to-" the tears had begun to stream down Anna's cheeks.

"Why are you here Anna?"

"I just wanted to see you."

Ernst felt his brain fuzz, the room was slipping out of focus. Something just out of his reach seemed to slide sideways; the sounds of bells rang in his ears.

"Well it's lovely to see you!" the dark haired boy beamed suddenly, "Would you like a cup of tea, I've never made one before but I'll have a go."

"Ernst," Anna began, but as a pair of ever-trusting eyes met hers she stopped, the lines had smoothed from Ernst's previously pale face. He _wanted_ to see me. Ernst looked calmer and hummed softly as he busied himself with the teapot. What if ignorance really was bliss?

"Yes Anna?" Ernst turned and looked up at her expectantly, "What were you saying?" Anna held her breath, feeling the words rise in her throat.

"Nothing,"

Ernst blinked, and continued to extract the tea bags from their tin which lay in the corner.

"Let me help you with the hot water."

About half an hour later (Ernst had spilt the first two cups of tea, so that a large sanguine stain was now seeping across the dirty white mattress) they sat, sleeves pulled up over their hands to keep hold of the scalding hot liquid. Ernst toyed with the last few sugar cubes, now that the usual conversation of Hanschen, and painting, and was he having more good days now and did Dr Gabor come and visit ever and did she bring Melchior with her?

"I think I saw you earlier today," Anna smiled.

"You did?" Ernst puzzled, "then why didn't you come and say hello?" He took another small sip, "Hanschen's always telling me to be polite at the moment," Ernst smiled playfully, "except at night time." Anna felt herself blushing but Ernst continued unaware, "He said even if someone calls me names in the street or won't serve me in a shop I should just be polite and walk away and not say anything back." Ernst paused, "but not saying hello isn't very polite."

Anna shook her head, but remembering catching a glimpse of the two of them, talking heads close together in the corner of a backstreet café, a single slice of apple and cinnamon cake with two forks set between them, she was glad she hadn't interrupted their moment, even if a tiny part of her wanted to feel the moist crumbs of pudding slide down her throat. In the middle of winter, business had been scarce; there were fewer people on the streets at night. In the last week she had barely scraped together enough to feed the baby. She almost relished the scalding sensation of the tea on her tongue, too much time had passed for her to march straight in and start fixing them something to eat, as she had always done. She felt the boy beside her tense a little at the sound of a door opening downstairs.

"Ernst?"

Anna could hear a voice coming from the hallway.

"Yes?" Ernst called back.

She could hear Hanschen's feet pounding up the stairs.

"I've got a surprise for you." The tone of mischief in his voice was undeniable.

Ernst walked towards the shut panel, motioning for Anna to stay quiet, in all their years together, it seemed he'd picked up a few tricks from Hanschen. "Really?" he smiled playfully, "what is it?"

Hanschen was whispering now, his voice just the other side of the thin door. Anna set down her cup of tea and waited, amused.

Ernst stood up a little straighter and pressed his ear to the wall, the fog seemed to clear from his brain.

"I saw Eduardo today," Hanschen continued, drawing out each word, letting each vowel roll around his tongue like a delicious cream cake, "and you'll never guess what he managed to get hold of."

Anna froze, she watched as Ernst's eyes slid shut, a small smile playing upon his face.

"Tell me."

"100% pure," she could hear Hanschen reaching for the catch that opened the panel, "and when I get in there, I'm going to melt it and then lick it off your-"

The panel swung open, Hanschen froze, dropping a canvas bag by his feet, "Anna!"

Ernst burst out laughing; Anna stormed across the room grabbing the bag from behind Hanschen,

"I don't believe you two!" she scalded, she emptied the contents of the bag onto the mattress and found,

"Chocolate?!" she exclaimed, "I thought you were-"

"What? Drugs?" Ernst smiled sweetly, "Anna our parents would be horrified,"

"Stop it!" Anna chucked the nearest pillow at Hanschen's head, "You and your bloody fetishes, your worse than half of the men in town back home! And judging by that previous conversation you two have been doing quite enough things that would horrify your parents!'

Ernst giggled, "May they rest in peace."

Hanschen placed an arm around the younger man's shoulder and the two of them leant back against the room's one bare white wall, "Eduardo is an old acquaintance of Ernst's, a cocoa millionaire, he's filthy rich.

Ernst smiled, resting his head on Hanschen's shoulder "he owed me a few favours from art school."

"Blimey," Anna took another sip of tea, tucking her feet underneath her.

"Anyway, chocolate aside, it's wonderful to see you," Hanschen smiled.

"Yes," Ernst nodded fiercely, "how's Hansi? Are you keeping yourself alright?" he paused, "how's everything with Ilse?"

"Fine, fine, Hansi's staying with his mother for a bit, she's not to happy about it but there you go, " Anna breezed, "how are you enjoying her old house?"

Ernst and Hanschen looked at each other, sensing she'd said the wrong thing Anna quickly made for a change of subject, "why don't we listen to a record?" She smiled at Ernst, "you used to love that, remember?"

Ernst's brain fuzzed, he knew there was something he was supposed to remember, something Anna had told him, he'd been angry at her. But why?

"Anna," Hanschen interrupted her, glancing bitterly at the closed panel, "It's after seven. I only just made it back before the curfew and the officials think we've left the city anyway. We can't let them find us. We can't draw attention to ourselves."

"Oh," Anna looked at the floor, a world that she knew little about and that had seemed to know little of her was starting to take its toll, "I'm sorry I didn't know."

Hanschen started to say something but a noise, a remote and yet almost painfully close sound seemed to stop him. Someone was knocking at the door.

Ernst seemed to suddenly remember something, snatches of conversation flitted through his mind, he turned, wide eyed.

"A-Anna," he began,

"Nobody's supposed to be living here anymore; we put signs on the door, 'abandoned', 'danger', 'do not enter!'" Hanschen shook his head in disbelief.

Anna took a deep breath, "I'm sorry Hanschen," she whispered, "I really didn't mean to tell them."

Hanschen turned on her, the blue of his eyes blazing, his mouth open in shock and anger. "Why didn't you tell me this before?" he growled.

"I just wanted to, I just need to see-" Anna began, the words sticking in her throat.

"Get out," Hanschen hissed, "Get out there and tell them this is your house. Tell them you're the only person living here. Tell them to stay away."

Anna nodded fearfully, she wrenched open the panel and fled down the stairs, hearing Hanschen pull the door of the opening vehemently back into place. Smoothing down her thin skirt and tidying her hair she scrubbed her eyes ineffectively with her hands in an attempt to remove the worst of the smudged eye make-up that now dirtied her cheeks.

Checking that everything was silent above, she pulled open the door.

A/N: Reviews make me smile :D


	4. the

A/N: Ok, so firstly I would like to apologise for my epic neglect of this story, it's been a busy few months to say the least, and secondly I would like to say… happy reading!

"Yes?"

Two tall men in brown uniforms stood at the door, they said nothing.

"What do you want?"

They ignored her question; the older looking man pulled a file from the inside of his jacket with one black leather-gloved hand. "Do you know an," he looked down at the paper, "Ernst Robel?" Anna's heart began to beat a little faster, she felt her chest constrict.

"No, no I don't. It's just me here."

"I see," the older man kept the file at his side, his almost white blonde hair was slicked into an aggressive middle parting, "then you wont mind if we take a look around.'

"I really don't think that's necessary," Anna began, struggling to keep her voice even, "I've lived alone in this house for years you see," the older man pursed his thin lips, "I mean if there was anyone else living here I think I'd know."

"Even so," the man said coolly, "we'll take a look around.'

Without waiting for a reply they barged past Anna into the hallway, she felt her shoulder's tense, don't go upstairs, _please_ don't go upstairs.

"Fritz, you check the upper floors," the older man barked, "Me and Miss," he paused to graze Anna's arm, she flinched away.

"Verloren" she said quickly.

"Miss _Verloren_ and I are going to have" he paused, "a little chat."

"Yes sir." Fritz marched up the stairs, as the older man led her into the kitchen Anna held her breath for any sound, any creak from the room above them. Her palms were sticky with sweat.

"Well Miss Verloren," he turned to face her, "it certainly is surprising to find someone like you in such a nice part of town."

"What do you mean by that?" Anna heard the creak of the junior officer's footsteps on the stairs. Please don't let him find them, please, _please _let him miss the second floor.

The man paced slowly across the kitchen until his hands rested on her shoulders, "I thought you'd be lying on some trash heap by now, not living _alone _in a fancy house in Berlin. How will you possibly bring in any money?"

Anna shrugged her shoulders away, her eyes flicked towards the ceiling "This house used to belong to a friend of mine, Ilse Neumann, you can check the lease, I bought it from her four years ago and I've lived here ever since." She turned on the man, "And show some respect will you? Barging into a stranger's home, making insinuations." She felt her old teenage self-righteousness rise in her stomach, "You've never even met me before."

The man smiled, his crooked brown teeth on full display, "perhaps you don't remember," he whispered, "best ten marks I ever spent."

December 24th 1922. Everything seemed perfectly still; blue Christmas lights cast long shadows that danced eerily through the streets. It had snowed the night before, but now it was drizzling, and Ernst could hardly tell the difference between the frozen grass and the cobbled path that twisted through the maze of crooked houses. He glanced over at the clock above his bed, widening his eyes in an attempt to make out where the hands rested. Setting the candle back down on the window sill he pulled the thin blanket a little tighter around him, it was pleasantly cold, and it had been Christmas for six whole minutes.

He had to be here soon, and this time Ernst was going to catch him. Moving away from the window, Ernst slipped on his dressing gown and inched open the bedroom door, careful not to wake Hanschen. Grasping the banister of the stairs, crept across the green carpet, careful to miss out the second floorboard that creaked.

Ilse stirred behind the door to his left, he froze, heart thumping, waiting for the fear to pass he continued down into the dark drawing room, and took up his position behind the curtains.

The Christmas tree was covered in tiny silver stars, along with assorted homemade decorations, a collection that Ernst liked to add to each year. There were no presents under the tree, Hanschen wasn't finding much in the way of work, Ilse was getting married and he was always being told he needed someone to look after him. Pressing his hands against the cold window pain he wondered what he might do when Santa Claus arrived. Confront him? Watch him leave the presents by the tree and then follow him back to his sleigh? Or write down everything he saw in his journal so that he could show Hanschen later on?

Ernst smiled, it was fun living here, with Ilse and Anna, and now, most importantly, Hanschen and this was their first Christmas altogether. He had good days and bad days, and times were hard, but the good days were the best good days he'd ever had.

The noise of something being kicked over outside jerked him out of his daydream.

"St Nicholas!" Ernst whispered, sliding hurriedly down from the windowsill. What should he do? Without thinking he wrenched open the door to the wood store next to the fireplace, scrambled in and pressed his eye to the key hole. He heard the back door click open. Was this how St Nicholas was meant to arrive? He couldn't remember. But to his surprise, instead of a fluffy bearded figure in red, Anna? In her soaking overcoat counting ten mark notes between frozen fingers.

Should he go out and explain to her that he was trying to catch Santa Claus? Why was she crying? Ernst's eyes widened, there was a long line of red trickling down her leg. She sat down of the sofa and pulled out a handkerchief scrubbing furiously at her dirty fingernails. He heard Ilse's soft footsteps coming along the hallway.

"Anna?"

Anna's muffled sobs grew a little louder. Ilse sat down next to her on the sofa and drew a blanket around the thin, shivering shoulders. Anna placed the ten mark notes on the table.

"Fuel, and food, for a few days at least."

"Oh Anna…"

She pulled the younger woman close, Ernst wondered why they both looked so sad. Gradually Anna wiped the last of the tears away with the edge of her dress. Ilse smiled sympathetically, "Was he at least mildly attractive?"

Anna started to laugh, "No," she took a shaky breath, smiled weakly and stood up, smoothing down her clothes; "No I don't think you could call him that."

Hanschen lay on the floor of the box room, his ear pressed close to the bare concrete trying to hear the sounds that came from the kitchen below. He heard footsteps on the stairs, he tensed. Below him a gasp and the sound of breaking glass.

"How dare you? Get out, get out of my house!"

Then silence. Ernst pressed his hands tighter to his ears, hunched by the door, using his small weight to hold it shut and keep the entrance obscured from the eyes of the outside world. He started to speak. Hanschen motioned for him to be quiet. Ernst closed his eyes, and then felt a hand take his, and clasp it tight. Another silence, three syllables long:

I love you.

The sound of heavy boots pacing back and forth along the hallway, the sweat prickled Hanschen's neck, he held his breath as the noise stopped, praying that whoever was outside would walk on, and leave them alone, leave them to themselves, and then…

"Sir, I've found something."


	5. world

"You were a pretty little thing then as well," the man brought his hand to Anna's cheek, she moved back. He was much too close. She felt the sweat begin to prickle down her back, rank, slippery and hot. The white, clinical tiles of the kitchen wall seemed to blur in and out of focus around her.

"Little girl lost," the man whispered, "and who's looking for you now?"

_Please. Please leave me alone._

The junior officer's footsteps had stopped.

"Get out, get out of my house." She could feel the urgency in her voice building with every syllable.

The man didn't move.

The two of them stood face to face, she could remember it all too clearly now, it had been her first time. Waiting alone on the outskirts of the town, a 'gentleman' on his way home to his wife and children, her half hearted attempts to appear alluring, seductive, wondering what was supposed to happen beyond what Wendla had told her. Would it be different this way? He'd said she had pretty eyes. Ten mark notes. Stockings ripped. Pushed to the ground. Muscles clenched. A shuttered face. No kisses. Gush of liquid. Then, wandering aimlessly home on Christmas Eve, shame and worse still resentment. And blood that stained her pale skin, until Ilse had cleaned it off. From upstairs they heard a shout,

"Sir? Sir? I think I've found something"

Anna pushed the brown uniform roughly away, and felt a hand enclose around her wrist.

"Dirty little-"

"GET OUT!"

The world seemed to tear from her throat. Anna's hand lashed out. The man staggered backwards clutching his face; four angry red scratch lines across his cheek.

"Leave me alone" She hissed.

"Don't think that this is the last you'll be hearing from us." The man spat. Anna held his gaze, he was leaving, he was going to take the junior officer with him.

"Fritz! Get down here!" The commanding officer was at the foot of the stairs.

"But Sir-"

"Immediately!"

Anna kept perfectly still as neat footsteps pattered frantically down two flights of stairs.

"Sir, what happened to your face?"

"Don't ask questions!"

The commanding officer turned to look down the hallway, Fritz was already outside, the woman was still standing by the sink, brown hair looped over the shoulder of her pink patterned dress. She wouldn't look away.

"We will return tomorrow." And he slammed the door.

Anna breathed out heavily, smoothing down her dress she waited to hear the two sets of footsteps retreat down the street and then ran up to the second floor room, knocking sharply on the false fireplace.

"It's me. They've gone."

She heard indiscriminate sounds coming from the other side of the door, then Hanschen's face appeared.

"I'm sorry," Anna began.

"Don't worry." Hanschen whispered, opening the door a little wider so Anna could step through, "we were bound to be found out at some point, at least now you can help us."

Anna nodded, she noticed Ernst lying on the mattress in the corner. She went to kneel beside him, as Hanschen retook his seat at the end of the makeshift bed.

"Is he ok?" she kept her voice down; she could hear people clanking around in the adjoining house.

Hanschen smiled, "He fell asleep, would you believe it." He sighed. "Hopefully, he'll be feeling better, I'm sorry you've caught him on a bad day. He's had whole days and nights recently when he's been completely fine." He toyed with Ernst's toes, which poked out from beneath the duvet.

"He still loves me you know, sometimes it's just like when we first met," and as an afterthought, almost to himself, "and at night – we don't have to be quiet."

Anna smiled mischievously, "So I've heard."

Hanschen laughed, "What can I say, he was always handsome. And you know I like to have fun."

Gathering up the teacups that she an Ernst had left on the floor, Anna fought the temptation to reply, and lost spectacularly. "Speaking as someone who slept on the other side of the very thin wall between our bedrooms back home, I think I can safely say that I do know that."

Hanschen began to laugh again, his shoulders relaxing; he clambered up off the mattress. "You know I've missed having you around." After the shock of the last half an hour they began to slip back into the rhythm of normal conversation.

"How long are you here for?"

"A couple of days maybe? Long enough to help you think of a plan. They're coming back tomorrow."

A pause, "Right, and how's the baby?"

"Hungry, as always."

"Are you eating alright, sleeping, do you need money? Not that we could really help you with the last one. But don't mention it to Ernst, he worries too much already."

Anna pulled a blanket up over Ernst's sleeping shoulders, "Hanschen?"

Hanschen had begun to restack the books and cooking equipment that had been knocked over, "Yes?"

"I'm proud of you."

Hanschen stopped; he straightened up and turned to look at her.

"For coming back, for looking after him, for sticking with him, and with me when you could have had things easier. I know what society says, but I see you two together, and," she smiled, glancing round at the paintings tacked to the wall, bright shapes and colours, Ernst looking earnest and serious, Hanschen with a wicked grin (the resemblance was uncanny) in the shadow of a grape vine, "it's beautiful. And I feel like it's like how love should be."

Hanschen nodded. He crossed the room and took Ernst's hand.

"I wish-"

Ernst began to stir in his sleep.

"I know," Anna murmured, "But for now, I think it's time we visited Ilse."


	6. could

A/N: Just to say that in this version of the story I've moved the events of the original play about 30 years ahead in the future so that Hanschen and Ernst first met in 1921 instead of 1891 so that the characters can be the right sort of age for the story. Hoping you'll allow me this bit of artistic license, enjoy!

"You're sure this is ok?"

"Nope"

"Then…Hanschen!" Anna grabbed his arm as they crept down the thin, lusciously carpeted corridor that ran alongside the first class carriages of the train. "Don't you think we should wait until later on, when we're slightly less likely to get caught and sent to prison?"

"Shhhhhh!" Hanschen snapped, peering through the window of another carriage. He turned,

"This one's empty,"

"Hanschen!"

With difficulty, Anna attempted to block the doorway of the carriage and keep the sleeping baby balanced in her arms. "A prison cell is no place to raise a baby and I will not let you get us all thrown in jail because you want somewhere comfortable to sleep tonight!"

"There is no way that I'm staying in 3rd class," Hanschen retorted in a whisper, going to open the door "that dog destroyed my only jacket, how am I supposed to find work with a suit with holes torn in it?"

Anna slammed the door closed again, "This isn't about work, this is about going to visit Ilse, so if you can't endure just a little time slumming it with the rest of us-"

Hanschen raised a hand to his forehead exasperated, "I am just trying to find a place for us to sleep where we are not woken every six seconds by a man dressed as a jester who wants to 'take us to paradise'"

"He was trying to be friendly!"

"Would you just calm down!"

"Umm," A worried voice piped up in the background, Ernst, who has been gazing dreamily out of the window was tugging at Hanschen's sleeve.

"In a second Ernst,"

"But-"

"Ernst, Hanschen and I are just trying to sort something out."

"There's someone coming!" Ernst hissed.

Hanschen and Anna whirled round; a ticket officer was walking straight towards them. Hanschen seized the door handle and, winking at Anna, let the three of them in to the carriage.

"Irresponsible, completely foolish," Anna continued to mutter under her breath throwing the occasional glare at Hanschen, as she settled the baby down in a nest of blankets in the luggage rack.

Ernst smiled and lightly stroked the velvet of the plush seats around the edges of the compartment which could be turned into beds if you knew the right way to turn them. "Not to shabby,"

Hanschen nodded, watching the ticket officer walk on past the door "How are you feeling,"

"Better, although I think I left my paint box in Berlin."

"Don't worry; we'll be back for it." Hanschen drew the curtain across the window that looked out onto the corridor, "is anyone hungry?"

Anna looked round at the hunks of bread that Hanschen was extracting from various pockets in his tatty suit. "Hanschen where did you get those?"

Hanschen looked shifty; sometimes Anna was like the disapproving older sister he'd never had the misfortune to have, "I…found them."

To his surprise, she smiled. "Well I think I'll save my piece for the baby when he wakes up." She lay down on the seat and turned her face to the cushions, "Night boys,"

"Night Anna."

"Goodnight Anna."

Ernst and Hanschen sat for a while on opposite ends of the seat, feet touching. The carriage was lit with the pleasant glow from a single electric lamp that swung from ceiling as the train rocked back and forth towards its destination.

"Do you know what today is?" Ernst looked across as Hanschen, absentmindedly picking the soft inside out of his hunk of bread.

Hanschen shook his head.

Ernst smiled, "it's exactly fifteen years since we met in that vineyard."

Hanschen laughed, "You remember the exact date?"

"Shut up!" Ernst whispered, throwing the last of his bread in Hanschen's general direction, "Of course I remember. My life would be very different if it wasn't for that date."

Hanschen raised an eyebrow, "Good different?"  
Ernst shook his head, "Just different."

"Fifteen years…God that makes me feel old."

"You don't look any different to me."  
"Love is blind Ernst," Hanschen replied, going to lock the carriage door. As he sat back down again he flicked the light switch off, everything rested in the faint glow of the starlight, "you should know that by now."

Ernst dipped his gaze slightly

"But more importantly," Hanschen grinned, "did you fancy me when we first met?"

"F-Fancy you?" Ernst stuttered, even in the dark Hanschen could tell he was blushing.

"Yes. You know, did you think I was handsome," Hanschen continued, "attractive, good-looking did you want me to-"

"Yes alright I get it," Ernst cut in hastily, "I- I suppose I-"

"I understand," Hanschen interrupted, "It's not really a question."  
Ernst spluttered, "You are so full of yourself,"

"Come on," Hanschen took Ernst's hand and kissed it lightly, "so the incorrigible show-off falls in love with the sweet innocent owl," he smirked, "I think we'd make quite a good story."

"Owl?"

"Yes, because you've got big dark eyes. Look I didn't say I was going to write the story."

"Probably just as well with that metaphor,"

"Hey!" Hanschen growled, pulling himself up so that he had one hand either side of Ernst's shoulders. Ernst leant up automatically and let their lips touch. Hanschen closed his eyes and felt Ernst pull away and lean back against the cushions.

"It's nice to have you back," Hanschen whispered, wrapping an arm around Ernst's waist and settling down beside him.

"I'm not that bad when I'm, you know-"

"No, no you're not, it's just I worry about you."

Ernst nodded, there was silence for a minute, and then, "so what did you think of _me _when we first met."

"Oh Ernst I don't know, it was a long time ago."

Ernst propped himself up on his elbows and turned to face Hanschen. "Don't do that thing where you pretend you can't remember things so you don't have to talk about them." He nudged the blonde boy with his foot, "that's my trick, remember?"  
Hanschen brought a hand up to Ernst's cheek and lightly grazed the soft skin, "I don't know, it was just…you were different. You were a bit of a mystery, and I like mysteries.

Above them on the luggage rack the baby was beginning to stir, "Quickly, we should see to him before Anna wakes up," Hanschen whispered.

Ernst nodded and scooped the baby onto his lap, grabbing the last bottle of milk from Anna's battered valise. Hanschen watched him smile as the baby grasped onto his finger with one tiny hand.

"Do you think you would have had children, if, you know-"

Ernst looked up, "I don't know," he smiled, "I can't believe that this one was almost yours though."

"Well he's Anna's now. And if she ever marries he'll have a father too."

Ernst rocked the baby a little, "I always thought she'd make the best mother."

The next morning they woke, stiff from the narrow seats that they hadn't managed to turn into beds, and left the train quickly. The small station was as neat as ever, only the flags that they had come to hate and fear were now hung from the ticket office and from a shiny new sign that stated 'Welcome to Reutlingen' in big black letters.

They hurried beyond Anna's tumbledown cottage, past their former school with its playground full of children, through the tall fir trees and into a small clearing just beyond the church. It had begun to drizzle, Anna clutched the baby a little closer to her chest as she led Hanschen and Ernst to a small grey slab of stone surrounded by wildflowers.

_Ilse Neumann_

_ 1906-1935_

_ Missing presumed dead._

"_Love Will Endure  
Until We Meet Again"_


End file.
